I haven't been parent-blogging for very long. I'm more of a bandwagon-er than a pioneer in that respect, so I'm still learning the ropes about this strange phenomenon and community. So far, I've learned a lot, and I've also laughed a lot. If Dateline would do stories about "Internet Awesomeness" instead of just "Internet Prediators" I think I'd watch their show a lot more often. Plus, I think it would be a more accurate look at what goes on at all of the rest stops along the Information Superhighway. There really is a lot of awesomeness out there.
What's interesting about the parent-blogging phenomenon is the ages of the kids enshrined on all of these various blogs are pretty close. Using a very scientific polling method (i.e. pulling wild guesses out of my butt), most children discussed on parent blogs are between one and three years of age. In multiple children families, there is usually at least one child within that age range, with others being as old as... let's say twelve... and others sometimes being brand spankin' new infants. Most of the bloggers, like most people, live in major cities, and none of them are happy with the weirdos that live in their neighborhoods or attend their playgroups. Please don't try to debate my research. As I said, it's all very scientific (again, its been pulled straight outta my rear).
What I've been thinking about lately is when does this all end? At what age does daddy-blogging stop being cute and start getting creepy? When my son is in junior high school? College? Starting his own family? Not returning my calls any longer? When will I finally stop blogging about being a parent?
I present to you Blogs From The Future (insert Flash Gordon music here). Yes, I will be sharing a few of the blog posts you'll find on Denver Dad in a few decades....
Monday, February 5, 2018
Like most of you, Chunk and I watched Superbowl XLIX yesterday. Man, those Oklahoma City Ethnically and Politically Neutrals sure owned the field. Denver Mom is still pissed about that new ball and the rotating goal posts, but I think it makes the game more interesting. It's too bad I lost all that money betting on the Dallas Cowpersons.
How many more years am I going to have to wait for the Minnesota People-Of-Northern-Decent make it into another Superbowl?
Saturday, June 12, 2032
Chunk is getting married today. I know! I can't believe it either! I'll be the first to admit, I wasn't really sure about P'llla'bop and her family, but it's just like we were taught in school, color is only skin deep... and purple is just like any other color. I mean, a lot of people have problems with Alpha Centurians, but if Chunk loves her, that's all I need to welcome her into our family. I'm still not sure I understand the ins-and-outs of the "Centurian Gill Ceremony" they'll be doing during their vows, but I hear its beautiful. I'll give you all a detailed report tomorrow!
Oh... one last thing... if the father of your future daughter-in-law asks you to play Centurian golf, say no. Talk about boring! And, I don't care how advanced your civilization is, that's still no way to treat a potato.
Wednesday, December 23, 2037
Well, Hurricane Home Depot wasn't nearly as bad as they predicted it would be, but it seems like hurricane season just keeps getting longer and longer! I hope we still have time to get all of our Christmas shopping done! It must be nice to live in a doomed city like Miami or Des Moines. I mean, sure, they're a mile underwater and don't get a lot of natural sunlight, but at least they don't have to worry about super hurricanes or ion particle storms.
I know they've been doing it for a while now, but I'm still not crazy about corporations buying naming rights for hurricanes. Its especially tacky for a home maintenance store to do it. Still, you can't bet their prices on insta-wall foam.
Friday, December 25, 2037
Well, it's official. I'm going to have to change the name of this blog to Denver GrandDad. Chunk and P'llla'bop are pregnant and in just seven months, they will have a bouncing baby omnipod. They announced it during Christmas dinner. P'llla'bop is just glowing. Literally. You could read in the dark with her around, but I have no doubts she'll be a great mom.
According to Centurian tradition, I'm supposed to cut the tentacle when the little pod emerges from the egg sack, but I feel like that's something Chunk should do. I know Chunk is supposed to step up when the tail falls off during the tadpole phase, but he should be there to enjoy all of those little parts of fatherhood, tradition be damned.
Kerpday, August 1, 2040
What the hell was wrong with the old days of the week? Yeah, the leap year thing got a little confusing sometimes, but adding Kerpday into the calendar isn't going to make things any easier. We should have just called it Saturday and a Half. People could at least understand that. Those snotty Mayans and their new calendar. Just because they have a time machine doesn't mean they're smarter than the rest of us!
Tuesday, February 12, 2088
This new robot body is great! I feel like I'm twenty again! You should have heard Denver Mom whistle at me when I came out of surgery. She was shouting, "Hey, baby, nice pistons!" It was hilarious! Even the doctor laughed, and I have to say, my new pistons are kind of nice.
9 comments:
What a Great Blog! One thing for sure, you will still be typing your blog with your human fingers on a keyboard that is almost the SAME size as the current ones! Certainly No touch-scrren! Well we expected "spandex", "white plastic" and "Moon Base Alpha" in the last century... and nothing actually happens. Today we still have no Moon Base Alpha, and the only aliens known are from Stargate SG1! So you see, life will just go on, as usual.
Dude...hilarious. And just so you know, the People-of-Northern-Descent will never win a Super Bowl.
All I have to say is when the hell do we get flying cars???
That was great.....even the East German judge gave you a 10.
And naming right for hurricanes? Yep....I could see it happening.
Nice!
Yeah, I've thought about this a lot. I'll keep blogging until I find something else to fill it in, like playing in a band, or making balloon animals.
Well now....what a good read on a dreary February day.
Thanks...I needed this one.
teeheeeheeee...Dallas Cowpersons.
Can we get male Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders in the future too?
If the female uniform stays the same, then I vote for the shorts, chaps, & boots for the male counterparts.
...hey, I'm just thinking of the future, and the only PC thing to do & is offer a little eye-candy to all.
I'm just sayin'....
I'm with Mitch.
In fact, I'll go one step further; I think you've struck on something. Now, who's in charge of naming hurricanes? NOAA?
I think it's great that someone is using the 'awesomeness' more. I think bloggers with the crazy neighbors and play group usually have the best posts. Also, I find the rear-end a very reliable and well supplied resource for facts.
Thank you for the comments, everyone! And, thanks for stopping by, lainey-paney and lb. It's great to see new faces!
If someone figures out how to make money on this whole "corporate hurricane naming rights" thing, I'd like a cut. Doesn't have to be much... just enough to support my laziness hobby or something.
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