While leaving the office early this morning, I passed one of the scientists who works in the building, who was on his way in.
"You know that the Reverend Billy Graham says when the Rapture comes, no one who drives a Subaru gets to come along, right?" he asked me, scowling at the Denvermobile, while simultaneously smirking at me.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but although I work for a non-profit organization, our office is in a medical research building/lab, because of the nature of the condition that affects the families we serve. There are mice in the basement, building security about on par with NORAD, and I'm one of the few people who works in the building that cannot accurately be called "doctor." It's a strange place and the people in our building are even stranger. This particular scientist chastising me about our vehicle choices, is one of my favorites and one of the strangest.
"Wait, I don't get included in the Rapture?" I ask. I'm a little confused.
"It's even worse if you drive one of those ridiculous wagons," he argues. "Subarus are the new Volvos, you know. Remember in the 80s when everyone who was an uptight, leftist snob drove a Volvo? Those same people are driving Subarus now."
"So, what you're telling me is that our Subaru* is a first class ticket to Yuppie Hell?" I ask.
He laughs, nods, and continues on his way, shouting "Later, Rabbi**!"
A lot of my days are like this, but usually he doesn't start in on me until he's stealing candy out of my office and lecturing me about the evils of science.
* It should also be pointed out that Subarus are basically standard issue in Colorado. There are more of them sold here than any other place in the world. As a matter of fact, the Subaru love is so extreme here that if you are caught driving another type of car, they take away your fleece, your lift ticket, and make you cheer for the Chiefs during home games.
** This same scientist, who loves The Rocky Horror Pictures Show enough that he dressed up as Janet for Halloween, has taken to calling me "Rabbi." If I explained why, it probably still wouldn't make much sense.