Monday, August 07, 2006

The Lessons of Temporary Single-Parenthood

You know that type of busy where you always seem to be running at top speed, but when you stop and reflect on your time spent, can't really think of a single thing you did? There might be a blur of grocery store isles and maybe a family member or two, but it doesn't really add up to anything concrete. That's the kind of week we've had since Denver Mom came home from France.

Yes, Denver Mom is home. It’s great to have her home again. Here is a list of the things I learned while Denver Mom was away and I was home alone with Chunk for nearly two weeks:

1. There is a surprising difference in the effort needed to feed two people, as opposed to three people, especially when only one of them needs to eat a balanced meal
2. Toddlers can get stressed out, just like everyone else
3. Potato bread is just white bread, only more expensive
4. After five days of skipping shaving, even the new electric razor I got for Father's Day has a tough time
5. I am no plumber. As a matter of fact, I'll admit that I am not, in any way, what you would consider "handy." And no, repeating "How hard can it be?" to myself, over and over again, didn't help.
6. Chunk loves his dad, but as strong as that love is, it's thrown aside the second momma climbs off her airplane
7. "Roaming" minutes are just as expensive as they are convenient
8. No matter how many people tell you they'll be available to help out before you're left alone, you'll have exactly zero real offers once you're actually left alone with a cranky toddler
9. There's simply no way to get your hair cut when you're a single parent, unless someone actually does step forward and offer to help
10. Running through fountains, hand in hand with your son, is a great way to spend a hot summer day
11. I have even less control at the store when I'm home alone with Chunk than I do when his mother is home. Chunk made out like a bandit and has a pile of new toys
12. Netflix is my new best friend -- if I wasn't already married, I would ask Netflix to be my best man
13. "Halo" can be beaten in one week, even if it is just played during naptimes, and after bedtime
14. Cheese sticks make a good snack some of the time and excellent projectiles the rest of the time
15. When a toddler can't sleep and wants to sleep in bed with you, there is a 98% chance that actually getting the toddler to sleep will involve having either his arm or leg lying across your face. Removing either extremity from its place on your face will cause the toddler to instantly wake up and scream

There are more lessons, of course, but those are the ones I thought were worth mentioning.

Thanks for coming back! I'm hoping to get back on a more regular schedule now.


Pickle's Papa said...

Good to see you kicking again.

I hear that potato bread shit . . . There should be a shared site somewhere to upload all of the ways marketing has gotten us to spend more money on the same products, making us think we're getting more or living healthier.

I am living proof of that 'every minute' principle. i.e. how's the soap?

Denver Dad said...

Thanks for coming back, Pickle's Papa! I appreciate you taking the time to read, comment, and yes... mail me soap!

Geez... is there any more proof that I smell? People who don't even know me are sending me soap in the mail!

I'm ashamed to admit, I haven't had a chance to use it yet. I had a weird reaction this week and my neck broke out in a funky, creepy rash and so I've been sticking with stuff I know and trust. So goes the troubles and tribulations of a guy with sensitive skin. I'll provide a full report when I can!